A Converts Dilemma: I’m Still Who I am – I am Ryan

By Br. Ryan.
It’s almost time for fajr and I’m sound asleep. The athan begins and it startles me awake with fear. The whole city is awash with the loudspeakers yelling something in Arabic that I can’t understand. The morning is cold, and I’m laying on concrete in an abandoned building in Iraq. No one in this town knew that the six of us were hiding amongst them: watching, observing and hoping no one would find us. This was my introduction to Islam, a baptism by fire.
The purpose of the above is to show the beauty or miracle of how each convert comes to Islam. My conversion story is for another time; what I want to address is what happened after I became a Muslim.

Unfortunately I never received a book on what were the next steps for me to take as a new Muslim, and I was left adrift in the endless sea of information to fend for myself. To look at me, you would never guess that I am a white convert who sports a Marine haircut with a clean shave everyday. You can often spot me as the “guy wearing shorts” somewhere in the back of the masjid during jumah prayer.

Why do I mention this? Since I converted to Islam three years ago, I have seen the battle that converts face as to what identity to take on after they have accepted Islam. A lot seems to depend upon who gets a hold of a convert before they take shahada. Many converts seem to think identity comes with the external clothes they wear or cultural practices they assume.

What took me a couple of years to figure out was that Islam and culture are not one and the same! The guy who came up and yelled at me for wearing shorts was actually practicing his culture and not his faith. So how do you tell the difference? I’m not sure, but one tip is that if you want to stop getting bothered, marry into one of these cultures like I did (go desis!).

For some this may not be a option, so where does that leave you? I’m sorry to say you will be the ones left behind and not accepted into any community. You will probably have to attend jummah sitting somewhere by yourself, never get invited to the awesome dinner parties, and have the privilege of enjoying Eid at home alone. Sorry, I didn’t make the rules. Sadly, this is the life of a convert.

I have been blessed with the ability to travel the world and enjoy the differences that this world has to offer. But one doesn’t have to go very far to enjoy the same wonderful experiences. Look around the masjid – look at the wonderful array of colors and cultures within our community. The greatness of Allah’s creations are all around, yet why do we fail to celebrate it? Instead, why do our communities decide to segregate themselves; mocking and pushing away others that don’t fit in, or infecting those new Muslims with our own cultural ignorance.

Before I married, I can not begin to tell you how many times I was yelled at for my clothes or lack of beard. Nor can I explain the stark difference as to how I was treated after I married. Suddenly, I was welcomed into a community that previously would not look at me twice. Should it really take marrying into the community to become a part of the community?

What I have chosen to do is this: to keep my personality, my way of dressing, and remain true to who I am. I can be a Muslim who is an Irishmen and Marine. Sure it is fun to don my shalwar kameez and go to a dinner party, but that doesn’t change who I am at my core, I am still Ryan.
In the end the purpose of this essay is to let converts know that we can be Muslim and still hold onto our identities. That those who push their ignorant cultural beliefs tend not to know the difference between those beliefs and Islam. So, question everything, read, learn, and ask various cultures the same question and see what you get. Most importantly, celebrate the differences amongst us and break the cycle of segregation that exists in our wonderful communities.



Posted by Guests • January 12th, 2010 ; muslimmatters.org