Marriage in Different religion before converting into ISLAM

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Permalink Reply by tough E on July 7, 2011 at 12:21pm

Assalamu alaikum. There are things in this life that we like, but is not good for us. And there are things that we don't like, but is good for us. 

Polygyny (having more than 1 wife) is not an easy thing, it is a very big test. And most of the time the burden is on the women. (Just in case the guy gets what he wants) In general, when a married man woes another woman, he has a tendency to say the negative things about his wife. And we humans love underdogs, we pity and emphatize with them. How would you feel if the time come that he will ask your permission to marry again? And without you knowing it saying negative things about you to the new woman? I know I will get reactions from the male species, but it is my belief that a real muslim man who really fears ALLAH swt will think a billion times before plunging into polygyny in fear of Allah's punishment. If the man cannot give justice and fairness to his wives, he will face Allah swt on the day of reckoning/judgment with a crooked body! Do I need say more???

May Allah swt guide us rightly and help us with our tests.

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Permalink Reply by Riana17 on July 7, 2011 at 1:40pm

Salam sister, I decided to read your email sorry I couldnt do it earlier it was kinda long, sorry I didnt reply on time

 

Actually you are in very bad situation, it is not easy, If i am on your shoes I wouldnt marry him right away, I wouldnt use my heart alone, I will have patience, let the day pass by and time heals the wounds. For you to have reference the recents one they will cut the head of Q8ti woman who burned the tent of her husband's 2nd marriage which killed like 50people, also Q8ti woman asked her sons to kill the 2nd wife of her 1st husband,,

 

Here in Q8 alone as you can see, it is normal for 1st wife to kill the 2nd wife or threat and use someone else to kill the second wife,, the husband however will not take it seriously and he will wke up too late

 

Let me tell you this, Islam is religion of PEACE, and i'll tell you, this man and his wife are not REAL MUSLIMS at all base on your story, the man should marry the wife and take all the challenges, I am sure there are lots of fighting bcoz no one is giving, no one is ready to give, ALLAH hates divorce, He hates people who separate without big and valid reasons, it is not sufficient enough that after 2kids husband will leave the 1st wife, OKAY let me tell you sister, after all the sufferings the wife did for her family, taking care of the kids and all then the husband would ask her permission to marry 2nd ONE?

 

Is that a joke!!! so if I am really concern about this man, I would ask him to evaluate himself and fix his own family, if this family goes astray it is in HIS HEAD! for he is A MAn

 

Love is not enough reason to be with someone else and I hope you can give more time and space before deciding and blv in faith, if you really are meant for each other, i dont think you wanted it this way?

 

We should put ouselves to someone else shoes, imagine and imagine and try to figure out the future

The 1st wife is not in normal state of mind and this can be worst depending on your actions

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Permalink Reply by jibril patriarca on July 7, 2011 at 5:07pm

As-salam alaikom mga mahal kong kapatid sa Islam. Bilang kapatid sa pananampalatayang Islam ay obligasyon ng bawat isa na magpayuhan para sa ikatutuwid ng ating pananampalataya at ikatatagumpay natin sa mundong ito at sa kabilang araw. meron akong gusto eshare para sa ating lahat na kapatiran kinuha ko rin sa islamic site.Insha'Allah kapupulutan natin ito ng dagdag kaalaman.

Fatwa No : 91677

Calling Muslims as non-Muslims

Fatwa Date : Safar 29, 1427 / 30-3-2006

Question

There are some Soofi groups who affiliate themselves to Islam but they associate partners to Allaah, so is a person who does not declare them as non-Muslims a non-Muslim himself?

Answer

All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad is His slave and Messenger. We ask Allaah to exalt his mention as well as that of his family and all his companions.

 

A Muslim should be very careful and not hasten to call someone a non-Muslim, as this is a very serious matter. The consequences that result therefrom are very grave, because if a person is confirmed to be a non-Muslim, he should be separated from his spouse, and he will be prevented from inheriting or being inherited, and he deserves to eternally abide in Hellfire on the Day of Judgement, and so forth. It is for this reason that it is strictly forbidden in Islam to call a Muslim a non-Muslim before making sure that the conditions of declaring someone a non-Muslim are met while there are no impediments of calling him as such. Ibn Taymiyyah said: 'No one can declare a Muslim as a non-Muslim even if he is wrong and has committed a grave error, until the evidence is established against him and the proofs are presented to him. If a person is truly confirmed to be a Muslim, this cannot be changed from him with doubt. Islam cannot be whitherdawn from a person until the evidence is established against him and the misconception is removed.'

Allaah Knows best.

Riana17 said:

Salam sister, I decided to read your email sorry I couldnt do it earlier it was kinda long, sorry I didnt reply on time

 

Actually you are in very bad situation, it is not easy, If i am on your shoes I wouldnt marry him right away, I wouldnt use my heart alone, I will have patience, let the day pass by and time heals the wounds. For you to have reference the recents one they will cut the head of Q8ti woman who burned the tent of her husband's 2nd marriage which killed like 50people, also Q8ti woman asked her sons to kill the 2nd wife of her 1st husband,,

 

Here in Q8 alone as you can see, it is normal for 1st wife to kill the 2nd wife or threat and use someone else to kill the second wife,, the husband however will not take it seriously and he will wke up too late

 

Let me tell you this, Islam is religion of PEACE, and i'll tell you, this man and his wife are not REAL MUSLIMS at all base on your story, the man should marry the wife and take all the challenges, I am sure there are lots of fighting bcoz no one is giving, no one is ready to give, ALLAH hates divorce, He hates people who separate without big and valid reasons, it is not sufficient enough that after 2kids husband will leave the 1st wife, OKAY let me tell you sister, after all the sufferings the wife did for her family, taking care of the kids and all then the husband would ask her permission to marry 2nd ONE?

 

Is that a joke!!! so if I am really concern about this man, I would ask him to evaluate himself and fix his own family, if this family goes astray it is in HIS HEAD! for he is A MAn

 

Love is not enough reason to be with someone else and I hope you can give more time and space before deciding and blv in faith, if you really are meant for each other, i dont think you wanted it this way?

 

We should put ouselves to someone else shoes, imagine and imagine and try to figure out the future

The 1st wife is not in normal state of mind and this can be worst depending on your actions

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Permalink Reply by Riana17 on July 8, 2011 at 10:34am

Salam Alaikum brother , may Allah bless you for reminding me,

However my answer is totally based on information given by her. 1st the man is not happy anymore with the wife after having kids, all i know is that when someone enters into marriage, the intention of each other is to sacrifice whatever situation comes, the MAN in ISLAM cannot marry other woman without a HUGE REASON, e.g. wife not able to bear kid. and he must NOT LEAVE his 1st family, and lots of conditions

 

Pls help me analyze the situation, Now if the attitude of the wife is the problem, why it wasnt there in the beginning of marriage? why it happened after having a kids ? why after kids this issue comes out? The man however must remember that leaving a wife with a kids is one of the most horrible thing and i dont want our sister (who asked) to be in situation like I've given, i dont know the future but there are lots of indication that she will be in deep trouble after marriage

 

I have studied and there is huge difference between a MUSLIM and a REAL MUSLIM. I didnt say they are not Muslims

TRUE MUSLIM is defines as Believing and performing all the pillars of ISLAM and refrains from harming anybody in any way.on the other hand she stated that the wife has converted to Christianity, well we cant call that real MUSLIM, because a real MUSLIM whatever pain and sufferings, he or she would strive hard and live in ISLAMIC way.

 

I regret if I offended anyone, but I dont want our sister to be cheated or being hurt one day,LOVE IS GOOD, this is the main problem in Philippines, or perhaps in many parts of the world, love go even other people are hurting, maybe we should also remember that dating and sweet talks between opposite sex are forbidden in ISLAM, if they are not engaged, the husband must know this in the 1st place,

 

my intention here is for her to decide nice and slow, i didnt say dont marry this guy, the decision is all hers, she came here to get the best advise and I thought to share her my view, I am just 25 yrs old but I already knew enough about men and marriage and this kind of situation. Arab country is the best place for this kind of situation for 2nd marriages are abundant

 

When women gets hurt and jealousy meets her heart (like the 1st wife) esp she dont trust anyone anymore even ALLAH, for she left ISLAM,  I am telling you all people, SHAYTAN has entered her.. May Allah have mercy on all of us. Ameen

 

 

Before I miss to mention, A MAN is stronger that women for women are weak, if the husband cannot make his wife follow the right way, i dont know call that a real man as well,

women esp wives are very easy to deal with, give her rights, love her and that's it, if she ask unnecessary things, then must explain and sure thing wife would understnd eventually, its all about give and take, as i said no one is giving

 

I feel real bad for the kids, we are old enough, kids do not deserve all of this.

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Permalink Reply by jibril patriarca on July 8, 2011 at 7:59pm

Bismillahir Rahmanir Raheem

Ang lahat ng papuri ay para kay Allah lamang, ang Panginoon ng mga nilikha. Nawa ang kapayapaan at ang mga biyaya ni Allah ay mapasa-ating Propeta Muhammad (saws) at sa kanyang mga kasamahan at mga sumusunod sa kanyang Sunnah hanggang sa Araw ng Paghuhukom.

Una sa lahat, kay Allah (swt) ay wala tayong maitatago. Pwede tayo mglihim sa kapwa natin tao ngunit kay Allah ay wala tayong  lihim na maitatago. “Verily, He is the all-Hearer, the all-Seer” (17:1) . ito ay patungkol doon sa lalaki na gustong pakasalan ng ating sister. Sa dahilan na hindi natin alam kung gaano katotoo ang mga salita na sinabi niya kay sister Val Ayson para lamang makumbinsi niya ang ating sister na magpakasal sa kanya.

Sister Val Ayson, ang pagdagdag ng asawa sa Islam ay dagdag obligasyon eremind mo sa kanya.  Kahit na italaq niya or talaq na sya sa  una at meron siya anak doon ay obligado na sustentuhan niya ang mga anak niya sa una. Saka ask mo rin siya kung sakali na makasal na kayo ay iuuwi ba niya sa iyo ang mga anak niya sa una? Kung magkaganon ay nakahanda ka ba na mag-alaga ng mga anak  niya dagdag pa ang magiging anak niya sa iyo? Insha’Allah sister ay pag-isipan mo mabuti ang magiging sitwasyon ng buhay mo sa piling niya at huwag ka mahiya na tanungin siya sa mga bagay na nakakaligalig sa isipan mo dahil matatali ka na sa kanya.

Panalangin ko kay Allah (swt) na gabayan ka niya sa gagawin mong pagdesisyon. Mgsalah (istikarah ) ka sister Val at hilingin mo kay Allah ang kanyang gabay. Ito ay 2 rakah .

The istikhara prayer may be made for a specific matter or be made for a general seeking of all that is best. Some scholars, including Imam Abd al-Wahhab al-Sha`rani and Ibn `Arafah before him saw this kind of istikhara prayer as being superior. Others, including Shaykh Ibn al-Arabi, recommended performing a general istikhara prayer for all that is good every day, ideally at the time of the Duha prayer (after sunrise).

Imam al-Nawawi mentioned that before the istikhara prayer, one should seek advice (istishara) from those whose knowledge, wisdom, and concern one is confident. Ibn Hajar al-Haytami and others mentioned that one of the benefits of this is to further distance oneself from the desires of one's own egotistic inclinations.

It is recommended to open the dua of istikhara [below], with praise of Allah and sending blessings on the Prophet (Allah bless him & give him peace), and to close it in this manner, too.

Like other duas, it is recommended that one face the qibla.

It is disliked to 'hasten' in seeking the answer to one's istikhara, like other duas, because the Prophet (Allah bless him & give him peace) said, "Your prayers are answered, unless you hasten, saying, 'I prayed, but no answer came.'"

One should be pleased with what Allah chooses for one, and not seek to follow one's whims after the answer to one's supplication becomes clear.

There is a pious lady in our community who has offered to pray istikhara for me to help me make a decision for marriage.... [ .... ] my question to you is if you know if this idea of relying on someone else's istikhara is a good idea and compatible with the teachings of Islam on how to make dua and decisions. should I follow her advice (according to her dreams and feelings) to me on this issue or not?

This is one means you can take: to seek the istikhara of a pious person. The permissibility of this was mentioned explicitly by the Malikis and Shafi`is. The Hanafis do not appear to have discussed this issue [al-Mawsu`a al-Fiqhhiyya, Kuwait], but there is nothing in it that would indicate its impermissibility. Rather, it is merely the taking of a means, which is permitted as long as one knows that the one who gives and takes, benefits and harms is Allah alone.

In such cases, though, one should not leave doing the istikhara oneself...

Salat al-Istikhara

 

CONCERNING THE RITUAL PRAYER FOR GUIDANCE IN CHOOSING THE BEST OPTION [SALAT AL-ISTIKHARA], AND THE PRAYER OF SUPPLICATION [DU'A'] APPROPRIATE TO IT.

According to a traditional report transmitted on the authority of Muhammad ibn al-Munkadir, it was Jabir ibn 'Abdi'llah (may Allah be well pleased with him and with his father) who said:

"Allah's Messenger (Allah bless him and give him peace) used to teach us how to seek guidance in choosing the best option available in a practical enterprise [al-istikhara fi 'l-amr], just as he would sometimes teach us a Chapter [Sura] from the Qur'an.  :

"'If one of you is concerned about some practical undertaking, or about making plans for a journey, he should perform two cycles of ritual prayer [rak'atain], not as an obligatory observance [farida], but voluntarily.  Then he should say: 

'"O Allah, I ask You to show me what is best, through Your knowledge, and I ask You to empower me, through Your power, and I beg You to grant me Your tremendous favor, for You have power, while I am without power, and You have knowledge, while I am without knowledge, and You are the One who knows all things invisible.

Allahumma inni astakhiru-ka bi-'ilmi-ka wa astaqdiru-ka bi-qudrati-ka wa as'alu-ka min fadli-ka 'l-'azim fa-inna-ka taqdiru wa la aqdiru wa ta'lamu wa la a'lamu wa Anta 'Allamu 'l-ghuyub :

O Allah, if You know that this undertaking is in the best interests of my religion, my life in this world, and my life in the Hereafter, and can yield successful results in both the short term and the long term, then make it possible for me and make it easy for me, and then bless me in it.

Allahumma in kunta ta'lamu anna hadha 'l-amra khairun li fi dini wa dunyaya wa akhirati wa 'aqibati amri wa 'ajili-hi wa ajili-h :fa-'qdir-hu li wa yassir-hu li thumma barik li fi-h :

If not, then turn it away from me, and make it easy for me to do well, wherever I may happen to be,  and make me content with Your verdict, O Most Merciful of the merciful.'"

wa illa fa-'srif-hu 'an-ni wa yassir liya 'l-khaira haithu kana ma kuntu wa raddi-ni bi-qada'i-ka ya Arhama 'r-rahimin :

The information presented here is copyright of Al-Baz Publishing, Inc. and may not be reproduced by any means for distribution or commercial gain.

Copyright holder grants to reader license to print single copy for personal use or study only.

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The South African Jamiatul Ulama Transvaa

Riana17 said:

Salam Alaikum brother , may Allah bless you for reminding me,

However my answer is totally based on information given by her. 1st the man is not happy anymore with the wife after having kids, all i know is that when someone enters into marriage, the intention of each other is to sacrifice whatever situation comes, the MAN in ISLAM cannot marry other woman without a HUGE REASON, e.g. wife not able to bear kid. and he must NOT LEAVE his 1st family, and lots of conditions

 

Pls help me analyze the situation, Now if the attitude of the wife is the problem, why it wasnt there in the beginning of marriage? why it happened after having a kids ? why after kids this issue comes out? The man however must remember that leaving a wife with a kids is one of the most horrible thing and i dont want our sister (who asked) to be in situation like I've given, i dont know the future but there are lots of indication that she will be in deep trouble after marriage

 

I have studied and there is huge difference between a MUSLIM and a REAL MUSLIM. I didnt say they are not Muslims

TRUE MUSLIM is defines as Believing and performing all the pillars of ISLAM and refrains from harming anybody in any way.on the other hand she stated that the wife has converted to Christianity, well we cant call that real MUSLIM, because a real MUSLIM whatever pain and sufferings, he or she would strive hard and live in ISLAMIC way.

 

I regret if I offended anyone, but I dont want our sister to be cheated or being hurt one day,LOVE IS GOOD, this is the main problem in Philippines, or perhaps in many parts of the world, love go even other people are hurting, maybe we should also remember that dating and sweet talks between opposite sex are forbidden in ISLAM, if they are not engaged, the husband must know this in the 1st place,

 

my intention here is for her to decide nice and slow, i didnt say dont marry this guy, the decision is all hers, she came here to get the best advise and I thought to share her my view, I am just 25 yrs old but I already knew enough about men and marriage and this kind of situation. Arab country is the best place for this kind of situation for 2nd marriages are abundant

 

When women gets hurt and jealousy meets her heart (like the 1st wife) esp she dont trust anyone anymore even ALLAH, for she left ISLAM,  I am telling you all people, SHAYTAN has entered her.. May Allah have mercy on all of us. Ameen

 

 

Before I miss to mention, A MAN is stronger that women for women are weak, if the husband cannot make his wife follow the right way, i dont know call that a real man as well,

women esp wives are very easy to deal with, give her rights, love her and that's it, if she ask unnecessary things, then must explain and sure thing wife would understnd eventually, its all about give and take, as i said no one is giving

 

I feel real bad for the kids, we are old enough, kids do not deserve all of this.

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