Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Abdul Rashid on February 19, 2011 at 10:45pm

Assalamu alaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barrakatu sister,

 

I can feel the pain that you bear in your heart, but believe me you are at no fault at all. There is nothing to be guilty about love, especially for a love that is in accordance with the laws of Allah and the examples of the Prophet Mohammad (saw). It is also noble thing on your part to let the wife know of your intentions; of course at first, no woman would ever want to share her husband (normally), most of the time, it takes a little getting used to before they accept it.

 

I feel bad though about the wife because she became an apostate; if what you two were doing was the reason for her to do it, just think about this - "There are three things that in whomever they are present will cause him to taste the sweetness of faith: that Allah and His Messenger be dearer to him than all else, that he should love someone for the sake of Allah alone, and that he should return to return to unbelief after Allah had rescued him from it just as he would despise to be cast into fire". In loving Allah and His Messenger, she should have done what the wives of the Prophet did when he engages on a subsequent marriage. In another hadith, it is said that many women will enter hell because they were ungrateful to their husbands" How? by telling that they never got anything good from their husband.

 

So as a brother in Islam, I don't see any reason why you should not marry, in fact you should do it fast and avoid temptation (fitnah); there is one thing though that you should help your husband to be in. Convince him to do his best to bring back his wife to Islam, because remember he has 2 kids who might follow their mother in the path of misguidance.  

 

I don't see any legal consequence with your plan; spiritually, it's the wife who has an issue.

 

I would also suggest for you send your question to this 2 websites www.islamqa.com and www.islamonline.net

 

Barrakallahu feek...

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Permalink Reply by Mariam on February 20, 2011 at 2:23pm

ASSalamu Alaikum Waramatulahi wabarakatuh

Kung ako sa iyo Sister, ay susundin ko ang tibok ng puso ko. Walang masama kung mag pakasal kayo, ang masama ay pigilan ninyo ang mga damdamin ninyo, na magiging dahilan pa ng karagdagang kasalanan, kung sa palagi namang ang laman ng isipan ninyo ay ang isat-isa. Sa palagay mo ba hindi kayo mag kakasala kung pinigilan ninyo ang damdamin ninyo at sinasaktan ang isat-isa? Sa palagay mo ba magiging maligaya ka/siya sa piling ng iba kung ang nasa isip at puso ay dapat kayo ang mag kasama? Kung iniwan na siya ng asawa niya at nag balik christiano, ay siya ang gumawa nun sa sarili niya, sa sarili niyang ikakapahamak. Kung tunay siyang naging Muslim alam nya ang karapatan ng kanyang asawa, pero hindi pala nya matangap. 

Sana mag Muslim ka narin! Tanong ko lang sis, kung saiyo mangyari ang sitwasyon ng asawa niya, matatangap mo rin ba na meron pang pangatlo? Tanong lang yan Sis huh! kasi dapat mong malaman at tangapin sa puso ang lahat ng pinag uutos sa atin ng Allah swt. NAtanong ko lang, para mag karoon tayo ng puwang na maintindihan din ang naramdaman ng kanyang asawa na nasaktan, malay mo pag tagal ay matangap narin niya, at mag balikislam siyang muli. Inshaallah!

kung talagang nag mamahalan kayo sa isat-isa, hindi pinag tatagal sa ISlam ang pag aasawa. Malaya ang lalaking mag asawa kung kaya nya at nasa kanya ang mga katangian. Allahu Akbar! 

Sana hindi ako nag kamali sa aking mga nasabi, kung mali man Astagfirullah! mapatawad ako ng Allah! gusto ko lang makatulong  sa iyo, na sana hindi kita maligaw sa maling desisyon.  May Allah Guide you! Allah Knows Best!

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Permalink Reply by Abdul Rashid on February 20, 2011 at 7:27pm

Just to follow-up on what Sister Mariam said, I hope that you will find the time to study the teachings of Islam. As you can see for yourself the practicality of its teachings. 

 

 

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Permalink Reply by Ahmadeen on February 20, 2011 at 10:06pm

Praise be to Allah!

 

A man who wants to have a second wife should be somewhat religious, it is his duty to teach his wife or wives and children about Islam. Full understanding of the conditions, coping well with the hormonal behavior of women are only few of the things to consider. We must always remember that the halal way of obtaining a second, third or fourth wife is not doing so just out of love. Prophet Mohammad (peace & blessings be upon him) said: "A woman may be married for 4 reasons: for her property, her status, her beauty and her religion; so try to get one who is religious, may you be blessed." Wealth, Rank, Beauty  & Character are the 4 major reasons which are both applicable to men and women. Women in Islam has the right to choose whom she wills to marry but she has to consider a pious man to be on the top of the criteria.

 

A Muslim is the one who has knowledge of his faith and then shares it first to his wife, to his children, to his relatives, to his community. If he failed to nurture himself the full understanding of Islam, then he was not able to fulfill his duty to his wife and his children. Marriage is bound to fall into misery.

 

I supplicate to Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful!...that He may guide you into the straight path and grant you His bountiful blessings. Ameen.

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Permalink Reply by Val Ayson on February 21, 2011 at 4:35am

Salam my Dear Brothers and Sisters 

Thank you very much for taking the time to answer my question as I am very much in need of help right now. First thing, what I really love the most about this Guy is that he is very responsible and He loves his family so much specially the children. He said, even if he is hurting about his wife's attitude towards him, he is taking them and hoping and praying that one day she will change for the sake of Allah and the kids and their family as a whole. He is a very religious person, I really am so happy that I finally met someone that I can talk to about anything under the sun. We talk about Islam and the Quran. I may not yet understand everything but he is very good at explaining things to me. He made every single question of me clear and crystal. We are currently learning Arabic Words and Writing together and I enjoy it. I never enjoyed studying at all. But everytime we study together I feel like I am being armed with weapon that nobody can destroy. He is guiding me and introducing me to Imam in our place. He is so adorable and takes good care of me whenever we're together. He visits my place and explain to my parents about our plans and situation.He is not afraid for whatever my parents would say to him.  

 

As for the question of sister Mariam, Ofcourse I would understand that she doesnt like the idea of sharing her husband. But we've tried and still trying to instill in her mind that she wont loose any, she wont loose her husband instead she will gain a sister. I have tried to talk to her several times and i humbly explain to her how much i love her husband, but that doesnt mean i will take away his husband from her. i told her I will help them in any way I can, I love the kids and I enjoy being with them. If she in any way so busy I can take care of the kids for them. I dont have any bad intentions and I dont hate her even if everytime i talk to her she is insulting me, Hurting me, cursing me etc etc. She is treathening me that she will ruin my life if i continue to mary Her husband. If incase He will meet someone and he will decide to marry her, ofcourse I would have to meet her and know her personally before I even react. I want whats best for him, and if he will be happy I wont ever ask him to do something against his will and Allah's Will. 

 

Right now, we are talking to the Imam and He is Helping us on some of the decisions we make.

We are afraid about the legal consequences because our case is different. I dont know if thier marriage is bounded by Sharia'h law because they got married in catholic church as catholic.  Everyday is a challenge and I am hoping that Allah SWT will guide us inshaalah.

 

Salamat Sisters and Brothers.

 

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Permalink Reply by Ahmadeen on February 21, 2011 at 8:14am

 

This link might help you understand the legalities of your case:

Code For Muslim Personal Laws (PD 1083)

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Permalink Reply by mohammad on February 21, 2011 at 8:14pm

Assalamu Alaykum to all brothers and sisters.

Sister, your current situation is not a new issue anymore. All women hate to share her husband to other, that is the nature of women because Allah "The all mighty" created her as it is, where men were created as polygamous. With regards to men, Allah revealed a verse regarding marriage as stated: "[004:003] And if you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly with the orphan girls then marry (other) Women of your choice, two or three, or four; but if you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly (with them), then only one or (slaves) that your right hands possess. That is nearer to prevent you from doing injustice." My advice to you is to study "ISLAM" first, that is the most important thing for you to do. ISLAM means submission to the will of All mighty Allah. All His final commandment was revealed and written in "Qur'an" where all the rights and limits of human kind are mention there. And also the obligation of everyone to his Creator. it is not easy to anyone to enter in one room were his/her eyes are blind folded. Then, when he/she was already inside the room she will complain because there's a lot of obstacle that she cannot see, meaning she cannot fully understand the situation inside. Just like what his wife did. lets say that she embrace is ISLAM but as I analyze her side, she don’t really understand what ISLAM really means. For just that trial that they have encounter she immediately give up or abandoned her faith? Do you think you can call her an ISLAM believer? I dont think so. God the all mighty revealed a verse in the "QUR'AN 002.214] Or think you that you will enter Paradise without such (trials) as came to those who passed away before you? They were afflicted with severe poverty and ailments and were so shaken that even the Messenger and those who believed along with him said, "When (will come) the Help of Allâh?" Yes! Certainly, the Help of Allâh is near!" , "[002.155] And certainly, We shall test you with something of fear, hunger, loss of wealth, lives and fruits, but give glad tidings to As-Sâbirûn (the patient)." "003:141] And that Allâh may test (or purify) the believers (from sins) and destroy the disbelievers", "067:002] Who has created death and life that He may test you which of you is best in deed. And He is the All-Mighty, the Oft-Forgiving".If you will accept ISLAM as you fully understand its meaning, that is to believe in One God Alone "ALLAH", to his Last Messenger Prophet Muhammad.This has a very broad meaning but i will just give you a brief explanation as Allah the All mighty said in Qur'an, [006:162] Say (O Muhammad [sal-Allâhu 'alayhi wa sallam]): "Verily, my Salât (prayer), my sacrifice, my living, and my dying are for Allâh, the Lord of the 'Âlamîn (mankind, jinn and all that exists).
  then that will be the best decision you will ever do in your entire life.

Allah the All Mighty Knows Best.

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Permalink Reply by Maimoona Abdullahi on February 22, 2011 at 10:29pm

Val, my advice is that better you have to study about Islam. You must build up  first in your life Tawheed [Oneness of Allah in worship, belief and application]. this is the fundamental factor that our relationship to Allah will be strong and if we have tawheed in our life, then it follows all that leads to success in this world and in the next life. Islam with total practice and understanding is the only way to be successful and it will link all to your relationship to Allah [THE CREATOR], your husband and children. TAWHEED/ISLAM is the only remedy, solution or medications to every situation. THE real PURPOSE OF YOUR EXISTENCE IN THIS WORLD is not just to love your love ones, job and position but to WORSHIP ALLAH ALONE AND IF YOU KNOW, RECOGNIZE, UNDERSTAND AND IMPART IN YOUR LIFE the real purpose THEn u will be successful inshaAllah in your future marriage [u will fulfill the rights of your husband], future kids [ you will raised them islamically],and  lastly, you WILL ENJOY LIFE either in sadness or happiness, trials and problems, you are already strong oz u know THAT THIS WORLD IS JUST TEMPORARY AND WHAT MATTERS MOST THAT U ARE PATIENT TO EVERY SITUATION, FULFILLING YOUR OBLIGATIONS TO ALLAH coz u are just fulfilling the purpose of your existence... TO WORSHIP HIM ONLY.

 

WHATEVER PROBLEMS U ARE FACING BE PATIENT... AND SEEK ISLAMIC KNOWLEDGE NA LANG and someday magugulat ka na lang that Allah answered your prayers and ALLAH WILL GIVE U THE BEST MORE THAN WHAT U IMAGINED.ALLAH IS THE ALL - HEARING, ALL SEEING AND ALL PROVIDER.

 

NOTE: PLS SEARCH FOR AN ISLAMIC CENTER NEAR YOUR PLACE. THIS WILL HELP YOU... SEEK ISLAMIC KNOWLEDGE THIS IS YOUR WAY TO PARADISE.AMIN.

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Permalink Reply by ibrahim on March 1, 2011 at 7:13pm

peace be upon those who follow the guidance of Allah thru His Prophet, may peace be upon him

 

alhamdulillah-all thanks and praises be to Allah - The Lord of all that exists and The Only One worthy of worship and devotion

yes sis the very first thing for you to do is to study Islam because in it you will find real happiness in this life and even in the next life, the hereafter.

if you are afraid of some legal consequencies only, then fear first The Creator who is the most severe in giving punishment in this life and in the hereafter as well, yet He is The Most Merciful and The Most Gracious, so we are inviting you to HIS prescribed religion, Islam- - that's submission and obedience to His will, and get benefit of His Mercy.

polygamy in Islam is designed by Allah, The All-Knowing and The Most Wise as a solution to the social problem of mankind espacially now a days that women surpass the population of men anywhere in the world., so the only solution is limited polygamy inorder to protect other women from becoming girlfriend, concubines, and even prostitutes or public property, who can no longer find a single male for a husband.

 

that is why in Islam girlfriends, prostitution, concubinage and befriending women are strictly prohibitted for the males as it leads to immorality and unlwaful sexual relation which is very harmful to the man, to the woman, to the resultant child and the society as a whole.

so only marriage is a lawful relations for a man and a woman in Islam, and courtship will only take place after marriage, not before.

so better to get married as soon as possible, because your relation with this muslim brother is likewise haram, or prohitted and every thought, every word and every action you both make for eachother has an equivalent punishment, that you will suffer sooner or later.

marriage in Islam is very easy, as long as you comply with the requirements such as the presence and consent of your father, the bridal gift or mahar and the witnesses, before a muslim authorized by the law to conduct marriage.

when your marriage is legal then you dont have to worry about the legal consequencies either sis.

asking permission from the first wife is not required in Islam for the 2nd, 3rd or 4th marriages, yet our lawmakers may have added such requirement in the new family code, you can check out as well sis.

but your attitude towards the first wife is very admirable, that's the best thing for you to do, and may all other wives do the same so as there is real peace in the muslim society as well, ameen.

 

may Allah bless you and guide you sis.

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Permalink Reply by Ahmadeen on March 2, 2011 at 10:36am

Non-Muslim Woman: Should You Marry a Muslim Man?

I just found this article interesting from: www.muslim.families .com

Okay, so you've met the man of your dreams, and he's totally into you, too. He's dark and handsome, and wildly exotic. He speaks of faraway lands in a way that mesmerizes and he looks at you as though you're the only woman on earth. He has an intensity that has swept you off your feet. After a whirlwind relationship, he wants to marry you as soon as possible. Oh, and he's Muslim. Should you marry him?

Does He Love You?

That depends. There are several things you should consider first, though. The first thing to realize is that many Muslim men are on a "wife hunt." As unromantic as that sounds, it is true. Marriage is considered "half the religion" and most men are eager to settle down and start a family. As refreshingly different as that is from what you may be accustomed to, it is still a good idea to proceed with caution. You should also realize that "being in love" is not considered a prerequisite to marriage in Islam. That is not to say that your Muslim friend doesn't care about you or even love you, but it isn't necessary. For many Muslim couples, love is something that grows and develops over time. Some Muslim men choose a potential spouse who meets certain criteria. Perhaps you are shy, quiet, or conservative. Maybe he thinks you would make a good mother. Or, maybe he is in love.

How Do You Feel About Islam?

Another thing to consider is your own feelings about Islam. Please do not make the mistake of assuming that religion is a minor detail-- Islam is never minor. Islam is a major part of every aspect of life, and you must understand that going in. Too many non-Muslim women are caught off-guard after the wedding. Even if he doesn't appear to be very religious, you should still learn about Islam. If you marry a Muslim man, Islam will play a large part in your life, even if you have no intention of converting.

Another thing you should know is that many men become more religious after getting married. Even non-practicing Muslim men often return to the faith with zeal after marriage. Add a child to the equation, and most men make a complete return to their roots.

Can You Raise Muslim Children?

Speaking of children, you should know going in that any children you have will be raised as Muslims. This is non-negotiable. In Islam, children follow their father's religion. Whether you ever become Muslim or not, you will be expected to raise your children in the Islamic faith. Think about this carefully. Do not allow your feelings for this man to cloud your thinking. This is a serious matter. Are you okay with not sharing your faith with your children? Many Muslim man start out with accepting Santa Clause and the Easter Bunny, but become more strict as the children get older. It is not unusual for a father who once played Santa to suddenly feel guilty and not allow Christmas celebrations at all. As children get older, Muslim men often feel an urgent need to instill religion in them, especially if the wife is a non-Muslim.

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Permalink Reply by Atom Weight on June 22, 2011 at 5:19pm

Bismillah.

How are you Sis. I was about to give my thoughts but it might be too late...

 

 

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Permalink Reply by Val Ayson on June 23, 2011 at 5:13am

Asalamu Alaykum sister. I'm alright, I would appreciate your thoughts please let me know.

 

Thank you.

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